Valentine’s Day is here. For some it will bring gushy cards, chocolates and flowers; for others, a depressing evening in front of the TV, alone and dateless. If that’s you, don’t despair: here, ELL locals share some truly shocking dating stories to remind you that romantic evenings are sometimes best avoided.
The one that ends with an ambulance
William Costley, 22, Muswell Hill
“Last summer, I was new to the big city and didn’t know anyone. My instincts pushed me towards downloading the Bumble dating app. I matched with this girl who seemed pretty cool and we hit it off straight away.
“Unfortunately, things went completely downhill by the second date. I found myself completely wasted, and she was too. We agreed to go to her place but before we had the chance, the unthinkable happened. In my drunken state, I returned to the table to find it covered in vomit. Her hair was also covered, head in her hands, unresponsive to my attempts at reassurance. The pub staff kicked us out and the poor girl hit the pavement like a tower of cards. I had a girl passed out, covered in puke, unresponsive, and lying flat out on the pavement in London.
“I didn’t know her name, her address, or how to contact any of her friends or family. I had no choice but to call an ambulance, who then called her parents. After the medics arrived, propped on her feet, slurring, she shouted, ‘Just go’. I was still completely intoxicated and, despite my best efforts to stay, her vomit-covered hand pushing me away was a clear signal that the night had come to a dramatic close. Hopefully my (and her) next date goes a little better.”
The one with a Taiwanese Instagram Celebrity
Dai Lee, 24, Shadwell
“Me and this guy were in the same social circles at university. He really wasn’t on my radar. He was the muscly, over-preened, buff Ken doll type that totally wasn’t my kind of thing. In our final year, we started hanging out more. Over dinner once he told me that he was dating one of my friends secretly (she had a boyfriend). Alarm bells were already ringing in my head and I couldn’t work out why he was telling me about this secret relationship – was I supposed to be impressed?
“He has over 50,000 followers on Instagram and he constantly posts photos he takes of himself in public, supposedly candid but obviously, embarrassingly posed – using a selfie stick. He sees himself as an Internet celebrity. After he eventually asked me out properly (after he broke it off with my friend), I of course turned him down – but he couldn’t take the rejection.
“You could tell that he thought that I would automatically say yes, given his popularity on social media and his generally arrogant demeanour, but I didn’t find him attractive at all. Months later he still texts me, knowing I have a boyfriend. There are guys like this in every single country, no matter what language they speak!”
The one with a married woman
William MacArthur, 64, Hackney
“Back in 1968, when I was 15 years old, me and my friends were all so very desperate to lose our virginity as quickly as possible – it seemed that everyone was enjoying the ‘free love generation’ except us. My mate, Alan, managed to convince a somewhat older married lady that he was 20 and got a date, while her husband was working nights.
“She lived above a shop in the Narrow Way, and nipped indoors first to make sure that the coast was clear. Alan waited in a shop doorway opposite, to shelter from the teeming rain. Already in a state of extreme excitement, she appeared in the window and waved him over. He took off like a whippet and promptly got knocked over by a little bubble car, which broke his leg in two places. He survived with his virginity still intact.”
From drunken blunders to self-obsessed social media buffs, an experience shared is knowledge gained. Rest assured, while apps like Tinder or Bumble often get us into these tricky situations, other apps like Do I Date might actually help you avoid these problems, to give us the stress-free Valentine’s Day we deserve.
Dating app “Do I Date” allows users to review dates, an entertaining way to avoid dating disasters. Thanks to Terry Amsbury and Jamie Forsyth, London-based founders of the new dating app, I’ve found these terrible date reviews featured here. If you have a terrible dating experience of your own, please share in the comments below.