Before Boris Johnson becomes Prime Minister, he must first conquer prospective parliamentary candidate and Intergalactic Space Warrior, Count Binface.
The Count, formerly Lord Buckethead and AKA Lewisham based comedian Jon Harvey, is standing for election in the constituency of Uxbridge and South Ruislip against Mr Johnson.
Speaking about his rival, the Count told Eastlondonlines “Compared to Mr Johnson, I would say I have the upper hand when it comes to veracity, costed policies, dignity and appearance.”
Referring to his manifesto, the Count said: “I pledge that Piers Morgan will be zero emissions by 2030, any Czechs on the Irish border will be allowed to stay there, and I promise £1 trillion a week for the NHS.”
He went on: “If that’s not enough to fill your Christmas stocking you may need to find yourself a more fantastical manifesto. The Labour Party’s, perhaps?”
As he did in the 2017 General Election, the Count is standing as an independent. On that occasion, his arch-nemesis was Theresa May, and he was Lord Buckethead. After a hard-fought contest, the Lord managed a meagre 249 votes, although it was a night to forget for the then Prime Minister, as the Count recalls: “She had just torched her party’s majority, so she wasn’t having a great time.”
The Count added: “I said, ‘Good evening, Prime Minister.’ Rude not to. She bade me a pleasant evening in return, in a vocal timbre that seemed equal parts polite and petrified.”
But why the rebrand? Is the Count just recycling the same old rubbish under a different name? The caped candidate retorted: “Well, it’s quite a story. I was Lord Buckethead in the 2017 general election. Still, since then I renounced my peerage, partly because I promised to abolish the Lords and I’m a politician who keeps his promises, and partly because of an unfortunate battle on the planet Copyright.”
The Count added: “At the same time, I thought I’d give myself a promotion (I’m not a fool), and so I present to you now in my upgraded form – as Count Binface.”
Back in 2018 when Harvey, 39, was Lord Buckethead, he was embroiled in a copyright dispute over said name with the makers of a film called Gremloids.
In a potentially historic General Election, Uxbridge and South Ruislip is a marginal constituency and Boris Johnson is sweating at the possibility of being unseated. Critics might argue that the Count’s presence could split the anti-Tory vote, but the Count disagrees.
He said: “If Mr Johnson’s Labour opponent is unable to secure enough votes for victory because of an intergalactic warrior with a bin for a face, then the Labour Party has got bigger problems to contend with than me.”
On the issue of Brexit, the Count’s stance is simple; he believes “there should be another referendum on whether there should be another referendum.” A position no less ambiguous than that of the Labour party.
With regards to the Conservative leader, the Count told Eastlondonlines he would leave a polygraph machine under the Christmas tree for Boris Johnson, having been denied the opportunity to offer it to him in person during the ITV leaders debate.
Despite a lack of exposure on certain channels, the Count is a symbol of hope for many, especially the “Recyclons”, the race to which he belongs. He told Eastlondonlines that his kind are continuously striving for a cleaner galaxy.
Closer to home, and before his face was obscured by a big silver bin, the Count recalled his time in Lewisham, and said: “The name might look like a strange French insult – Le Wish Sham – but my experience could not be further from such an unwarranted slur.”
Discussing gentrification in Lewisham, the Count added: “I hope that local areas can maintain their traditional vibe and evolve at the same time. And if it means some sparkly new cinemas, so much the better.”
From the big-screen to good old-fashioned Teletext. Perhaps the most notable of the Count’s manifesto pledges is his determination to bring Ceefax back into the mainstream. The Count reminisced, and said: “It was informative, concise, bullet-proof from trolling, and utterly beautiful.”
Coincidently, these are principles that Eastlondonlines prides itself on; we suspect that is why the Count granted us an exclusive interview.